After four months in the United States I’m finally back in Sicily! Organizing documents has been a journey but I got them in check and I can resume the process of living in Europe long term.
I had mentioned previously that when I returned home December 2023 it was the first time I went back to the United States in two and a half years. It was the first time I had seen my dad and brother in person in two and a half years. Thankfully with modern day technology I didn’t feel too far from them while I was abroad. But returning home I didn’t realize just how much I missed them. I was burnt out from living overseas and not having quick access to my family and friends. It was nice to be taken care of in a more immediate sense for a little bit.
And now I’m back! A two day journey, two layovers, one bus ride, and one cold later I am back in my Sicily apartment. I remember while I was back in California having dreams about being back in my apartment. It always felt a bit uneasy, like I wasn’t supposed to be there. In my waking life this began to churn a slight trepidation with the idea of going back. I, of course, went back to organize some documents to help me with living in Europe long term and I wanted to make sure that was all in order before heading back which I think was the real root of my uneasiness about going back. But there was also a part of me that was afraid of leaving behind my support system. I had not had direct access to it for so long and I had forgotten what it’s like for someone to grab ibuprofen for me while I’m sick or to not worry about groceries. That’s the luxury of an adult coming home to visit their parents.
But if there is one theme you can find in my blog is that with time and with more experiences my thoughts, ideas, outlook on life tends to change. As documents started to roll in and me returning to Sicily began to feel more real, I got more excited about the possibility of coming back. There was also a shift in my mentality when I first arrived back home in the states and when I was getting ready to head back to Europe. At first I was very upset with myself for not having the documents ready. And even though I returned home to rectify the problem, I still found myself repeating in my head all the mistakes that lead me to coming back home to organize my documents. I was tormented by this cycle of thoughts. Whenever I had time to myself this was what was spinning in my head. The thought process though started to fade the longer I was back in the US. I don’t know what it was specifically that allowed my to forgive myself a little quicker when those thoughts came up. But with time I found that I could accept my mistakes a more and more with each passing day.
Until one day those same mistakes didn’t bother me so much and I started to feel excited about the possibility of returning to Sicily. And now I’m back and I’m falling in love again with the quirks of where I live. I’m remembering the stray dogs and how everyone takes care of them, the nonnos communing outside the bars, the veggie stands, the balconies, the cobblestone, are all little things I forgot about while I was away.
Though there still is that fear of making mistakes as I restart this journey, I feel hopeful that the process will be a bit smoother now that I have my documents and I have a few more tools at hand when mistakes happen.